A screen glowing in the moving window makes me odd
and together with distant vectors,
the highway trying to act calm.
My mind’s over there on the grassy patched water
I’m pushing it over there as best I can.
I find that peacefulness is more beautiful
than any voice saying, “so…”
How dare I be writing
in the vanilla black pages of your book of love!
But there isn’t any paper in my arms.
My blood is thinning too it’s graduating
cylinders and uncontrollable lights!
Filling to the glittering numbered dashes, I think my
enthusiasm will last until a workman’s tool
locates my exotic lostness precisely through the rib.
Will you follow me
everywhere from now on?
Why aren’t these rented goats enough?
I’m not in the moon for anyone. And anyway
isn’t it great we don’t have any real predators!
Who cares about ever.
This is a burning boring telephone
I don’t care what it takes to touch you
I’ve got to tell you whatever it is
and quick
new one off the hot page let me know before I go what to do with it. moll
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
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1 comment:
Mollye,
1) Since this poem incorporates commas, periods, etc. I find there are moments where I'm not sure how to read it. Eg: in the first stanza I have trouble following "makes me odd and together with distant vectors
like so many stories in dishes
the highway trying to act calm." - Should there be a comma after dishes? Maybe I'm just missing something.
2) I find that peacefulness is more beautiful
than any voice saying, “so…”: - So true.
3) My blood is thinning too it’s graduating
cylinders and uncontrollable lights! - Really like this.
4) Will you follow me
everywhere from now on?
Why aren’t these rented goats enough? - Makes me think of riding mountain goats on the alps somewhere.
5) I like the line "Who cares about ever" but I wonder if it fits in its current location. Could be moved or removed in my opinion.
6) Have an awesome trip, Mollye!
G
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