We’re in this once! and unlike animals
have repercussions. I’m walking out
on the city street (faster
busier upside-down)
and could explode
like everyone else
from coffee and ideas.
Don’t you want to sleep with someone who explodes?
Here’s something I’ve always noticed:
instability is very attractive.
How many times have we picked a person
to run the world we don’t understand
and studying the sky ball for a few seconds
we get how it is microscopic
what we fight our wars on.
You are not always going to feel
the way horses breathe into your hands
to smell you. There are no pianos
in the pyramids and no TV On The Radio
even though I’m pretty both are
close to puking rain.
Why do we laugh when we fall?
What kind of mechanism is this?
Our parents miss us being small and poison.
My sister and I enjoy ignoring ourselves
and thinking about each other instead.
I think this is beautiful.
When you call someone
and don’t know what to say
you have so much to say
I think this is beautiful.
You could say it's my favorite word.
3 comments:
M,
Lots of really awesome moments in this poem.
"Your children whether or not you have them yet
love the smell of you
feral and pearly." - Now there's a crazy smell.
"City-time street": - Not sure what this is?
"Do you want to sleep with someone who explodes?" - Who doesn't?!
"Here’s something I’ve always noticed: instability is very attractive." - Chaos. Rawr.
"Whether or not any of us realizes
how any of this is working
and how many times we've picked
guys with wiry hair to run the world
with censored childhoods on their pillows...": - Maybe this can be tightened up a little. I really like when we get to the "microscopic sky ball."
"without some onion stick on your thumbs": - not sure about this line. Could just end after "ugly baby birds you can't feed worms."
"My sister and I enjoy ignoring ourselves
and thinking about each other instead.
I think this is beautiful.
When you call someone
and don’t know what to say
you have so much to say
I think this is beautiful.
You could say it is my favorite word.": - I love this ending. The repetition is beautiful, beautiful. Don't change a thing.
Thanks!
G
Thanks for your comments Greg. I revised teh version here, basically just taking all your tips. Let me know if anything else comes to you...
I am on my way to reviewing your latest poem right now.
I won't be able to make the meeting tonight...I'm already away...but enjoy it and each other's work.
mm
Rad poem. Radness. Both you and Greg are blowing my mind with these poems.
1.) and studying science for seconds we get it / how microscopic...
could be:
and studying the sky ball for a few seconds / we get how it is microscopic / and what we fight our wars on
2.)You are not always going to feel
the way horses breathe into your hands to smell you.(This comes at such a brilliant moment in the poem. This is something only you could have done ever in the history of poems).
3.)I’m pretty sure even though both are / close enough to puking rain.
could be:
even though I'm pretty sure both are / close to puking rain.
4.)Our parents miss us being small and poison. (awesome line)
The movement and tone of the poem are so perfect, everything is tremulous and slightly hysterical and not willing to hold back really unabashed lines. One of my favorite things you've written.
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